The Rise of Skywalker - A review

In concordance with Patrick, I’m writing a review of the actual movie The Rise of Skywalker, while he handles the music part of it. I’m not going to say anything about the music, aside from my opinion that it is serviceable. I’ll let Pat get into the real nitty-gritty of that while I rail on my least-favourite live-action Star Wars movie.

My problems with The Rise of Skywalker come with the fact that it is not consistently bad, with moments that really work in presentation, but more often the movie dips into territory which inspires a genuine reaction of “just…NO.” At least the prequels had the decency to be at a similar level of bland-but-okay, only dipping into rage territory or excellence a small number of times. This movie combines some jaw-dropping scenery – especially in the final half-hour – with moments that could be symbolically replaced with Disney/Abrams/ Kennedy/whoever the hell you blame thrusting its amorphous genitals in our face, to greatly jarring effect.

The biggest criticism of this movie that I have is that it’s so fundamentally uninterested in making any sort of sense in terms of plot or character development, instead choosing to set everything up like it’s still the 1980’s when we would be surprised enough by these sh#tty plot twists to overlook logic issues. Every moment that could have some sort of consequence is immediately rescinded as though it was a joke, and so when the movie actually wants us to feel some sort of dramatic tension, we feel like we are about to be trolled again and we don’t care.

The tickboxing in this movie to please fans is…how do I put it? Insufferable.

Every complaint against The Last Jedi is rectified in the same way that movies showing gay love are altered by Delta Airlines – completely destroying the fundamental fabric that would help this movie make sense while pissing off anyone who isn’t an asocial internet troll wanking to Star Wars trivia in a guardians’s basement. It is hard to have a conversation with somebody who’s looking in the other direction sticking both middle fingers at someone else while masturbating some guy next to them with their feet, and that rule also applies to watching The Rise of Skywalker and trying to enjoy it.

I should also point out the weird way actors and dialogue are directed, almost as though they are being forced to read lines which don’t have anything to do with the scene…

- Quips in the worst possible time which make no sense (Yes, they fly now…as they have ever since you met them. There’s this thing called a TIE Fighter, see…),

- Leia’s awkward conversations (archival recordings of Carrie Fisher, R.I.P., which have nothing to do with anything)

- Lines which directly contradict one another (oh, so Rey’s parent’s weren’t nobody…until they were)

- Situations which could be perfectly summed up by that infamous line from Destiny; “I don’t even have time to explain why I don’t have time to explain!”

Except you do have time to explain, you’re just too lazy to do anything to solve the problem, Peter Dinkl…I mean, J.J. Abrams!

As much as I’m bashing this movie, I do need to give off some positivity at some point. As you’d expect of a J.J. Abrams movie, it’s very well-shot, with some great action and vibrant cinematography with a sense of scale and realism. Two new minor characters, Babu Frick and D-O (played by Shirley Henderson and J.J. himself), are pretty entertaining, with Babu being the highlight of this movie in the same way Baby Yoda was the highlight of The Mandalorian. Adam Driver, as I’ve come to expect, gives an excellently compelling performance in spite of the damp squib of a script surrounding him. And Ian McDiarmid is always a delight to watch as Palpatine, hunched over with a voice that would haunt nightmares. There are indeed aspects of this movie which are strongly executed, they’re just let down by an indifferent script and poor direction.

As I said, this is my least favourite live-action Star Wars movie. It’s frustrating, overlong and full of fan-service to the point of thrall, with minor reprieve from solid action and some good performances. I’m going to give it a 4.5/10, or a D+.

Go check out Pat’s really extensive review of the score for this movie when it comes. It’s really good, with strong analysis and breakdown.

What did you think of The Rise of Skywalker? Leave your answers in the comments below.